Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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