I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
