Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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