remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
