I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize