The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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