Yo dont text me then not text me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
