Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize