Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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