So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
