why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
