She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
