Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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