Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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