dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i drank out of a bidet.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
