I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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