I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
