I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had to cum in my sink.
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