ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
