Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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