Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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