This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
