you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
