Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
