girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
