So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
