Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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