Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
