Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
