I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
