***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
