I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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