Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
