walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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