Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
