I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love having hate sex.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
