i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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