he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
