so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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