I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize