Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
