I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
