i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
