I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
