i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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