im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
