Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
