Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
