Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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