yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
