now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
