ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize