Your favorite bartender is back from prision
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
