I'm so fucking centered right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
