I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Randomize
