Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
