Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
