I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
