I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
