Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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