She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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