I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize