My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
