How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to get me chipped asap
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
