Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
